pseudomnesia, translating to ‘false memory’, is a play on the words pseudopapilledema and amnesia - combined to reflect on both the physical and psychological aspects of memory loss due to trauma. The optic nerve, affected by pseudopapilledema, serves as a metaphorical gateway to the visual realm—one that extends beyond the physiological to encompass the emotional and psychological landscapes. A continuation of my project REDACTED, pseudomnesia dives deeper into the connection of childhood trauma and memory loss, through the blurred shadow of pseudopapilledema, seen usually only through the lens of a fundus camera. the small shadow that has the power to take your vision represents not only the physical manifestation of my condition but also the metaphorical distortion of my own memories and perceptions.  a symbolic representation of obscured memories, trauma-induced distortions, and the complex interweaving of past experiences.  the work shows vague memories blurred by the shadows of the optic nerve, signifying the obscured recollections and the subtle yet profound impact of pseudopapilledema on the visual narrative. The pervasive presence of blue throughout pseudomnesia serves as a multifaceted symbol, encompassing the hues of hospital corridors, the clinical light of diagnosis, and the emotional resonance of anxiety and coldness deeply intertwined with my own experiences and the broader themes I explore.

in the context of this unit, pseudomnesia would be situated in the Victorian Central Hall at St Thomas’ Hospital.  A plastic hospital curtain with the painted motif of a blurred optic nerve will stand in front of my portraits, physically distorting and blurring them. a blur thats usually only seen on scans will symbolise the blurred boundaries between past and present, reality and perception. exhibiting my work this way is important to me as it offers a curated space for deeper engagement and validation within the walls of the same hospital I spent so much time in. It provides legitimacy to my practice, connecting me with diverse audiences, including patients who could uniquely relate to my work. the central hall holds a deep personal significance as I often had to walk through it during my many inpatient stays when I was diagnosed with pseudopapilledema. the juxtaposition of clinical blue hues against the victorian interior underscores the intertwining of memory, perception, and healing within my artwork. additionally, the central hall setting allows for immersive experiences that enhance the viewer's connection to my art, amplifying its impact and fostering meaningful dialogue. through this immersive environment, I aim to engage viewers in contemplation of their own experiences with illness, memory, and healing, fostering empathy and understanding.